10 Things You Should Never Say to a Girl With Huge Boobs
10. “I’m usually not that into giant boobs.” Sometimes I think this will be written on my tombstone. I know boyfriends think this is a compliment, but it makes us think that they usually go for girls built like cub scouts. Or actual cub scouts.
9. “How big are they?” Could God make a boob so big that even he cannot lift it? Think about that while you EFF OFF.
8. “I’m sorry, I can’t help staring at them.” Limited range of motion in the neck can be indicative of a serious medical problem. Like meningitis, or quadriplegia. Both of which render you unfit for make-outs.
7. “I’m actually more of a leg man.” Really? Great. I prefer a large wang to a dinky one. Hey! I guess we’re not right for each other.
6. “Do you have back pain?” Are you trying to be sympathetic, or figure out if I have good prescription painkillers? Either way, I’m not sharing.
5. “I bet your mama gave those to you.” Actually, large breasts run on my father’s side of the family. Oh, and my father is Butterbean. You f—king creepster.
4. “Are they real?” You also shouldn’t ask somebody with a forked tongue if their forked tongue is real. Because you don’t know if it’s some kind of body mod, or if their mother took Acutane during her pregnancy.
3. “Can I motorboat them?” Only if I can water taxi your nutsack, a-hole.
2. “You should work at Hooters.” Look, I have nothing but respect for those servers, but I have a job that doesn’t require me to wear nude hose with leather high-tops and bring sides of ranch to divorced dads in a shopping center.
1. “Nice t-ts.” Duh. I know.
(via Asylum)
